Lines from actual resumes:

- I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0 computor and
spreadsheat progroms.

- Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

- Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave.

- Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial
institutions.

- Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

- It's best for employers that I not work with
people.

- Let's meet, so you can "ooh" and "aah" over my
experience.

- You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.

- Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget
details.

- I was working for my mom until she decided to
move.

- Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged.
Uninvolved. No commitments.

- I have an excellent track record, although I am
not a horse.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I
possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I
should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate, especially when the task is
unpleasant.

- Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen
gallons so far.

- Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as
"job-hopping." I have never quit a job.

- Marital status: often. Children: various.

- Reason for leaving last job: They insisted
that all employees get to work by 8:45 every
morning. Could not work under those conditions.

- The company made me a scapegoat, just like
my three previous employers.

Finished eighth in my class of ten.